By David T. Valentin
So as I was unwinding on Tuesday night doing my usual round of social media, I scrolled on over to the Discover tab on Twitter where I stumbled upon a very strange headline. Gwyneth Paltrow’s Vagina Candle Exploded, the headline read with a picture of the actress (beauty guru?), smiling.
Naturally I cracked up laughing. But it wasn’t the headline that got me laughing. Oh, no. It was when I started scrolling through the Twitter newsfeed and witnessed some of the memes and, let me tell you, the memes did not disappoint.
Here are some of my favorites:
The shot of Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Stark from Iron Man 3 with her experimental fire abilities seemed to be a good fit for a moment like this.
And then there’s always a SpongeBob meme thrown into the mix.
A 2021 meme is always fitting.
This was among the first bit of memes I saw and well, yeah.
Then here’s my personal favorite and a perfect summation of the ridiculous headlines I’ve witnessed these past four years; so ridiculous, in fact, that it seems like a headline that might appear as an Onion article headline and then turn out to actually be real.
As the story goes, Jody Thompson, 50, living with her partner in Kilburn, North London, won the candle from an online quiz, but she never expected to have such a hilarious story to tell.
When Jody lit the $75 candle she reported that the flame leapt from the glass jar and sent bits of flame everywhere around the room.
Jody told The Sun, “The candle exploded and emitted huge flames, with bits flying everywhere. I’ve never seen anything like it. The whole thing was ablaze and it was too hot to touch. There was an inferno in the room.”
Eventually, Jody and her partner contained the fire and proceeded to throw it out the front door. And while Jody notes that it was scary at the time, it was also, “funny look[ing] back that Gwyneth’s vagina candle exploded in my living room.”
The candle can be purchased from Paltrow’s website Goop, a sort of quasi-spiritual, lifestyle website that sells a variety of, well, pretty much everything. From clothes, to yoga mats, to beauty creams, and even vibrators, it appears the Vagina Candle fits right into the online store. And even more hilariously than that, the candle made its debut last year in January 2020, which makes this explosive story all the more hilarious coming out right out of the gates of 2021.
For those who are curious as I was about what the candle actually smells like, the candle is actually made from, according to the website, “geranium, citrusy, bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed to put us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.”
I guess Jody felt some of that sophisticated warmth a little too much.