The Right Stuff, A Conservative Dating App That's Exactly How You Expect it to Be

By David T. Valentin


Back in the end of September, Right Stuff App Inc. released a dating app based around conservative ideologies. Or, in other words--a way for conservatives of the United States to get away from the "woke" ideologues that cramp up the dating pool with, you know, their wokeness or whatever it is that conservatives are complaining about.


As the website shows off an incredibly cringe introductory video to anyone who exists within a complex world filled with complex ideologies other than believing in wild conspiracy theories with no basis of evidence, "Other dating apps have gone woke," read off by spokesperson Ryan McEnany to a video titled, "The LEAST Political dating app" as if believing that the January 6th insurrection wasn't God's gift to humanity isn't ripe for political analysis.


Now, you can run into Ashleigh, Ashley, and Ashlie as John with a green fish, Craig with a fish AND a boat and Joey with a fish, a boat and an AR-15 you swear you can see at the side of his boat. Terrifying fun and thrilling people, I know.


The only way to get into The Right Stuff dating app is to be invited either by a friend or someone who works for the company, it seems.


Kat Abu, political commentator on Twitter, disguised herself on social media to DM someone so that she can get an invite into the dating app. And the men on there are just as interesting as the wall you're sitting next to.


Profiles "decorated" with fun little facts about someone like Tucker Carlson being their favorite political pundit! Or their favorite liberal lie being the "China flu"! Or perhaps describing the January 6th insurrection as if it's a beautiful fairytale come true! Real winning talking points, if I've ever seen any.


Or perhaps my favorite from Kat Abu's thread where a man messages her saying with the ultimate panty dropping pickup line, "Dadgumgirl girl are you CNN? Because I don't believe you're real." Real hot stuff, if I do say so myself.


You can read Kat's thread in full here:


Now, I'm only praying to see what they come up with for LGBTQ+ conservatives (this is satire, by the way. So if any conservatives read this, PLEASE don't get any ideas).